Who I am
I have always wanted to be a mom. I remember picturing how it would be, the gentle talks, playing in the backyard, watching Disney Movies etc. In my dream life there were no hurdles to motherhood, and it was kind of effortless. I never foresaw that motherhood would include doctors’ appointments in between drop offs and pickups, the incessant ringing of medication reminders or days when I couldn’t get out of bed. Instead of the dream version of motherhood that I once envisioned, for me, it now looks like painful days that take your breath away, exhaustion that threatens to pull you under until you surrender, and an undercurrent of sadness that sometimes feels inescapable. All of it happening simultaneously while you make dinner, play with Legos and do bath time. Although my life looks different than how I had envisioned it, it is filled with so many great things. I have a healthy little boy and husband, a part time job I love, a family business that I help with on the side, and the list goes on. However, there are times when everything feels like it’s being overshadowed by illness. Like no matter how hard I push myself, I can never break away from being sick or get close to being a really “good mom”.
My chronic illness journey began when I was 13 years old. I can remember being so weak during that time-period that I couldn’t walk without the use of a cane. Being a teenaged girl with a cane in high school was….an experience to say the least. At 16 I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and from there the list of issues started to grow. Many procedures and a few surgeries later, I found my life upside down. The life I had envisioned for myself stopped at 16, and from then-on I have been trying to figure out a new path. If I’m honest, I didn’t expect my “new path” to have big new issues. Right now, the biggest one for me is chronic migraines. They are affecting everything. During flares, my speech and vision are impacted, and I lose the ability to use my left arm. I’m struggling with how that impacts my mental and physical health on a day-to-day basis and how it affects my mothering.
Why I started this blog
I made the decision to start this blog because in looking for community, I haven’t really found one that talks about the highs and lows you can experience or the wins and losses that you may have when you’re trying to be a parent, while also dealing with chronic health challenges. I know that I am not alone. I know that there are others who are struggling too, and I want to create a space where people feel safe to talk about those hard moments and be celebrated for even the smallest wins. I want this blog to be insightful but also be somewhere you can come to get encouragement.
What you’ll find here
You can look forward to me sharing my authentic experiences about parenting while chronically ill, self-care tips for days when you need to be gentle with yourself, and encouragement for anyone who feels unseen while trying to get themselves over the hurdle of where chronic illness and motherhood meet.
A note to my fellow chronically ill parents
You are AMAZING! I know how hard it is to parent when you feel like you are at your worst. Your parenting may not be “perfect”, but it is good enough for your kiddo. Keep reminding yourself of that when things get tough. You will get through this! Please leave a comment and share your story-I’d love to connect!